Post by magicbullet on Sept 5, 2005 21:32:19 GMT -5
Can't
By Gabriel Stranahan
Sometimes, a man just doesn’t know what to think. I don’t know what to think, what to feel, or what to do. Sometimes, you think you’ve got everything figured out- and then you realize that you really don’t know where you’re going at all.
Her name is Shanna, and she’s my fiancée. I proposed to her only two weeks ago. Back then, it seemed like the greatest thing that could ever happen to us. We’re madly in love with each other, she moved in with me a few months ago, and everyone, even her parents, agreed that it was finally time to get married. But thinking it through now, I’m not so sure that I’m ready to make those vows.
I opened the door for her and we walked into my house and hung up our dripping wet raincoats. She turned around and cried a tear of relief before folding herself into my arms. I held her with one arm while caressing her hair with the other. Right now, it was so easy to see exactly what she meant to me.
“It’s alright.” I whispered into her ear. She gave me a reassuring squeeze.
“I was so scared,” she said, “I didn’t know what to do!”
I held her closer. “It’s alright. The police will find him.”
“I don’t care about that.” She paused and looked into my eyes. “I care about us. I’m so glad we’re both safe.
Nothing had been lost. Or at least, nothing material. Only fifty bucks and our wallets. Shanna had hidden her ring. The robber had left after that, content having just given us a good scare.
But it was easily the worst experience of my life, being held at gunpoint like that. Looking into the eyes of a crazed man with nothing to lose, you see just how much your life is worth, and it’s about the cost of a bullet at WalMart. If you had asked me then what was going through my head, I couldn[‘t tell you. But sitting there with Shanna in the police station, I had some time to think.
“Shanna,” I said, “Let’s go sit down. I’ll make you some coffee.”
She’d had a rough night. We both did. But I knew that it wasn’t over yet for either of us.
“Or do you just want to go to sleep?” I asked her. She sat down and shook her head.
“I just want to hold you a minute longer.” She said, so I sat down on the couch next to her. She wrapped her arms around me immediately and pressed her head against my chest.
“Shanna…” was all I said.
I knew she would be asleep in just a few minutes and I didn’t want to trouble her, so I thought about what I was going to say. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her anymore, because I did. I loved her very much. The problem was that until today, I had never really realized what a big step we were about to take, and how little the steps we had already taken actually were.
Sitting there in the police station, I thought about how lucky I was to be alive. Thank god I’m alive, I told myself. He could have taken more than just my wallet- He could have taken my life.
“What did he look like?” the police asked us. I described the assailant to the police officer as best I could remember.
“And how long ago was the incident?”
It couldn’t have been more than a half hour ago. It seemed as though only a minute had passed.
“So he approached you with a gun drawn and told you to give him everything you had? And what did you do?”
Shanna and I had just come back from seeing a late movie. It was raining, so we walked close to each other under our umbrella, laughing and talking about the show. I carried the umbrella in my hands, and she held nothing but a small box of candies. It was then that he attacked us.
He didn’t say anything or give us any warning. He simply pushed us both aside, waving his gun back and forth almost neurotically and told us to give him our valuables. I dropped the umbrella and put my hands up. Shanna dropped her engagement ring into the box of candies, dropped that, and put her hands up too. He seemed not to notice.
“Take it easy,” I pleaded. The man, obviously deranged, whipped around and shouted at me to shutup.
“Gimme your wallets!” he demanded, and we were both quick to comply. I wouldn’t have thought twice about giving up anything to this man. Even after we had given him everything, he held us at gunpoint for a minute longer, high on power, leaving both of us convinced that we’d never make it through the night.
“Good, that’s good.” The officer told me. “You always give the gunman whatever he wants. That’s exactly what you do in a situation like that.”
In that moment, with the criminal’s gun in my face, I honestly didn’t care about anything besides my own life. I would tell Shanna to take off her ring tomorrow, and to move out for a while. It’s not that I didn’t love her, because I did. But in that moment, all I could think of was my own life, and everything I had ever shared with Shanna was worthless. He could have shot her, and I would’ve done nothing. Couldn’t have. Before tonight, I had thought that I loved her more than anything. But now I realized just how wrong I really was.
By Gabriel Stranahan
Sometimes, a man just doesn’t know what to think. I don’t know what to think, what to feel, or what to do. Sometimes, you think you’ve got everything figured out- and then you realize that you really don’t know where you’re going at all.
Her name is Shanna, and she’s my fiancée. I proposed to her only two weeks ago. Back then, it seemed like the greatest thing that could ever happen to us. We’re madly in love with each other, she moved in with me a few months ago, and everyone, even her parents, agreed that it was finally time to get married. But thinking it through now, I’m not so sure that I’m ready to make those vows.
I opened the door for her and we walked into my house and hung up our dripping wet raincoats. She turned around and cried a tear of relief before folding herself into my arms. I held her with one arm while caressing her hair with the other. Right now, it was so easy to see exactly what she meant to me.
“It’s alright.” I whispered into her ear. She gave me a reassuring squeeze.
“I was so scared,” she said, “I didn’t know what to do!”
I held her closer. “It’s alright. The police will find him.”
“I don’t care about that.” She paused and looked into my eyes. “I care about us. I’m so glad we’re both safe.
Nothing had been lost. Or at least, nothing material. Only fifty bucks and our wallets. Shanna had hidden her ring. The robber had left after that, content having just given us a good scare.
But it was easily the worst experience of my life, being held at gunpoint like that. Looking into the eyes of a crazed man with nothing to lose, you see just how much your life is worth, and it’s about the cost of a bullet at WalMart. If you had asked me then what was going through my head, I couldn[‘t tell you. But sitting there with Shanna in the police station, I had some time to think.
“Shanna,” I said, “Let’s go sit down. I’ll make you some coffee.”
She’d had a rough night. We both did. But I knew that it wasn’t over yet for either of us.
“Or do you just want to go to sleep?” I asked her. She sat down and shook her head.
“I just want to hold you a minute longer.” She said, so I sat down on the couch next to her. She wrapped her arms around me immediately and pressed her head against my chest.
“Shanna…” was all I said.
I knew she would be asleep in just a few minutes and I didn’t want to trouble her, so I thought about what I was going to say. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her anymore, because I did. I loved her very much. The problem was that until today, I had never really realized what a big step we were about to take, and how little the steps we had already taken actually were.
Sitting there in the police station, I thought about how lucky I was to be alive. Thank god I’m alive, I told myself. He could have taken more than just my wallet- He could have taken my life.
“What did he look like?” the police asked us. I described the assailant to the police officer as best I could remember.
“And how long ago was the incident?”
It couldn’t have been more than a half hour ago. It seemed as though only a minute had passed.
“So he approached you with a gun drawn and told you to give him everything you had? And what did you do?”
Shanna and I had just come back from seeing a late movie. It was raining, so we walked close to each other under our umbrella, laughing and talking about the show. I carried the umbrella in my hands, and she held nothing but a small box of candies. It was then that he attacked us.
He didn’t say anything or give us any warning. He simply pushed us both aside, waving his gun back and forth almost neurotically and told us to give him our valuables. I dropped the umbrella and put my hands up. Shanna dropped her engagement ring into the box of candies, dropped that, and put her hands up too. He seemed not to notice.
“Take it easy,” I pleaded. The man, obviously deranged, whipped around and shouted at me to shutup.
“Gimme your wallets!” he demanded, and we were both quick to comply. I wouldn’t have thought twice about giving up anything to this man. Even after we had given him everything, he held us at gunpoint for a minute longer, high on power, leaving both of us convinced that we’d never make it through the night.
“Good, that’s good.” The officer told me. “You always give the gunman whatever he wants. That’s exactly what you do in a situation like that.”
In that moment, with the criminal’s gun in my face, I honestly didn’t care about anything besides my own life. I would tell Shanna to take off her ring tomorrow, and to move out for a while. It’s not that I didn’t love her, because I did. But in that moment, all I could think of was my own life, and everything I had ever shared with Shanna was worthless. He could have shot her, and I would’ve done nothing. Couldn’t have. Before tonight, I had thought that I loved her more than anything. But now I realized just how wrong I really was.